15 
15Obverse

The first chance I got, I stated I needed to tell them something. I sat down at the kitchen table between by dad and mom. They eyed me with interest. I related my experiences at camp. As I talked, this odd sense presented itself: I was talking to strangers, two people that had not a clue who I was no longer.

I made the statment that I had accepted Christ as my saviour. They were happy and congratulated me. Sadly, it felt wrong with them, so odd that I dismissed it as something I didn’t understand.

Today I fully understand. Let me present an experience my mother had and wrote about:

After three years of a stroke, I lost my dear Knute this last January 16th to the flu. Although he was disabled and couldn't walk or do much for himself, his mind was clear and he still had his wonderfule sense of humor. We've had many good times together, we became closer to each other and spent much time reading our bible and praying together. We both got the flu but he was getting better and I thought he was on the road to recovery. He had eaten a good dinner when our caregiver was putting him to bed, he came to tell me Knute was having trouble breathing and he had set him up high in the bed. I went right in and knew right away it was serious.
He asked me for some chipped ice and while I was giving it to him, he said, "I'm dying." I was so shocked, but knew he was right. I asked him if he was afraid. He said no. I said let's say a prayer together and I put my head on his shoulder and when I looked up his eyes were huge. He looked at me for a second, and then looked straight up to heaven and was gone.
It happened so fast, it was hard to understand at first, but our dear Savior had made it beautiful: he was home in his own bed, he wasn't suffering at all, his mind was clear, and he knew where he was going. I could feel the peace he had now that he was in the Lord's hands and was walking!
This memory has been such a blessing to me and I thank the Lord every day. I wanted to share this with you, what a great God and Savior we have. This was very hard to write but I wanted to share such a wonderful blessing with all the family and friends.

The person that wrote this, still has awe in her voice when she tells the story. When I first heard the story from her lips, I was not in the least surprised. Richard was the one that drove Knute to the Veteran’s Hospital in Palo Alto. Many called it an asylum and are correct. Rich told me it nearly broke his heart when his dad looked at him and asked if he would ever see them again. Dad thought that it was a one-way ticket to the end, in a hospital, alone.

It was. Except, dad finally dropped his ego and pride, lost himself to knowing he was alone, all alone.

When Knute returned from that place, and I first saw him, I knew instantly that he had finally submitted himself to our Lord, and that he is my brother. He knew I knew the instant he saw me. Words failed him and his tears flowed constantly when we were together. I am glad he met Christ. I am stunned that he put up such a vain effort.

I didn’t realize how far people would go to avoid this issue. Now I know. It wasn’t just the experience of my dad, it was my mom that showed me the truth of the avoidance.

It is a responsibility. How many amongst you avoid it? Everyone. From the lowest poor person to the highest positions of man. Those that we appointed to Congress avoid their own responsibilities everyday. So it should not be a surprise.

My dad died, yet he lives. I knew where he is, it’s a place I want to be right now. I did not mourn his passing. I don’t mourn when people die, I know what happens to you. It’s not a guessing game, it’s knowledge. It’s not by faith, it’s by God’s own voice: when you die, you return to me.

There are two sides, and all that are human know there are only two sides. Here we see Simon (Acts 8:18) as all humans present your selfish, ego-maniacal, power-hungry, money-craving, people praising, religious man-of-God lust.

Pain

There is only one way to become a child of God, it is the only way. It’s as if you cry tears of blood. You cry out to Christ to save you and while you cry, the heat of the tears on your face scorch your soul and you feel completely and fully wretched, worthless, and alone. It is the worst feeling you can ever experience. Christ stated flatly: (Luke 15:15) for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.

That’s the detail: I am an abomination before God. The other detail is: you feel that you are an abomination! It is terrible pain, its reach is beyond physical pain, emotional pain, it is far beyond any pain you have ever known.

In the middle of this terribleness, you make the choice to remove your ego, your pride, your selfishness. You make the choice to finally submit to God.

And, Suddenly!, blink of an eye, He arrives and enters you! His Holy Spirit is suddenly! inside you and you feel a peace you can’t fathom, can’t imagine.

My brothers or sisters of Christ have God living on the inside! I know it when I meet them because the Holy Spirit within me can see the Holy Spirit within them. It is the SAME spirit!