14In the Year 1969 ...

Life meanders until a choice is apparent. We walk a road that narrows as we get older. Too soon this road becomes an edge. If you fall off on either side, you have made a choice. If you allow the edge to slice through your body and split you as you fall, you have chosen.

The Choice

It was a wondrous summer evening at a camp in the Sierra Nevadas. It was a camp set to present Christ in the great effort to reach as many as possible, while providing many exciting and fun things to do, mixed with friendly competition, and amusements.

I remember it perfectly: there was a meeting of many of us in a room where we shared very odd events in our lives. One girl explained her reality with a sorcerer’s board, and how it flew into the wall when someone asked Christ into the room. Another of being awoken in the middle of the night while a with a blaring light and the noise of a locomotive barreled down upon her. Of the fear she felt then suddenly feeling someone placing their hand on the top of her head and telling her she was safe, and her knowing it the instant she felt his hand.

As they told their stories, I was thinking of relating my own tale of evil when I realized (or something told me) not to do that. Prior to continuing, please read page 9.

The counselors said some more stuff then asked us all to leave the room and find a place to ponder what was said and return in about an hour. We all got up and milled about, it was an absolutely beautiful summer evening, warm, and they sky was bursting with stars and planets. I decided I would walk towards the field where the trees couldn’t block the sky.

When I got to the football field, I strolled to the center, looked up, sat down, looked up, laid down and gazed in awe at the beauty before me. An unclouded, unsmoged, unhidden crystal clear sky always gives me pause. I laid there, searching the Milky Way, pondered the few planets, considered the super-giants, and lost my breath at the stunning scene. The Milky Way flowed across the night sky and I remembered Bob telling me “see those stars in the Milky Way? They are on the other side of the Milky Way.” Magnitude that we look at but can never fathom.

Suddenly, I realized how alone I felt, how alone I was, and how deeply I hurt. I do mean suddenly, it was like someone flipping a switch. Great sobs welled within me and burst forth and I cried burning tears for many minutes. I was utterly alone and then I asked Christ to forgive me and instantly, mind you, instantly I was no longer alone. Instantly, I was transported from the furthest reaches of loneliness to being fully and wonderfully filled with indescribable love.

Straight away, the third part of God we call the Holy Spirit entered my body and filled my soul. Never in my life have I known such complete and total love, staggering happiness. I was breathless, not from weeping, from the sudden arrival and occupation of the Holy Spirit. It is like nothing any human can understand, it is so incredible, I have no words to do justice, nor am I able to describe it in perfection.

When we all returned to that room, the counselors inquired as to how we were doing. Were they amazed that more than two thirds of us stated we had found Christ? They weren’t amazed, they knew before we knew!

That’s faith.

The Test

I am happy my dad has gone home, I know he went to heaven, no doubts there. I have been operating under the presumption that my mom has been a Christian all her life. I am in error. My mom, like my dad, has been a pretend-Christian most of her life. This is rather a stunning realization, but it explains TONS.

Mom has admitted to being a legalist for most her life. She finally admitted to being a gossip, and hopefully will begin to actually control her tongue. We made an agreement this past Saturday. She has been after me for years to go see some doctor and get some drugs to (in her mind) fix (in my mind decieve) my ailment. As if. How can a person get to 86 and not have a clue? Easy, ignore God.

I am the only one that has sought emotional help from a professional. I find it amusing and very sad that all those in my family deny God, and point their fingers at others when their own they ignore.

There is but one way to become a child of God, it is the only way. It’s as if you cry tears of blood. You cry out to Christ to save you and while you cry, the heat of the tears on your face scorch your soul and you feel completely and fully wretched, worthless, and alone. It is the worst feeling you can ever experience. Christ stated flatly: (Luke 15:15) for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.

That’s the detail: I am an abomination before God. The other detail is: you feel that you are an abomination! It is terrible pain, its reach is beyond physical pain, emotional pain, it is far beyond any pain you have ever known.

In the middle of this terribleness, you make the choice to remove your ego, your pride, your selfishness. You make the choice to finally submit to God.

And, Suddenly!, blink of an eye, He arrives and enters you! His Holy Spirit is suddenly! inside you and you feel a peace you can’t fathom, can’t imagine.

My brothers or sisters of Christ have God living on the inside! I know it when I meet them because the Holy Spirit within me can see the Holy Spirit within them. It is the SAME spirit!!!


Knowing Christ is not remotely like knowing a thing. It is not like knowing your Mom or Dad, or your best friend. You can spend a thousand years with someone and still not know them. Knowing Christ is an eternity with the Holy Spirit residing within yourself.

The hardest path you will ever walk is following Jesus Christ. Make no mistake, it is impossible for the weak-willed, it takes Great Courage to maintain what Christ taught while maneuvering through life.

The key we must understand is no longer do we walk the edge alone. No longer are we alone! There is nothing and no one that can hurt you.

Remember those nights when you were filled with terror? Those sleepless nights where you tossed and turned? All those nights when you thought no one loved you, the world was full of hate, and everone didn’t care whether you lived or died.


Following Christ is choosing to follow all of what God states in the Bible. Not this part or that part, all. I have met many Christians in my travels and most believe in Christ while refusing to believe Christ. Go figure Jesus’ statement of Mark 16:17 Mr. and Mrs. Christian.

I could write a book on that alone, but I don’t have to, because the Bible teaches it so much better than I ever could. Do you find you have trouble reading the Bible? I did until I realized it is not like any book written by man. It is not our book, it belongs to God and it is His book.

I hear that “spiritual” word often from the mouths of supposedly learned (slips of paper stating they are proven wise by human standards) men and women, as yet none have presented the Reality.

That defines the spiritual: knowing the truth instantly. We explain as a gut feeling, that’s the excuse, the truth is far deeper than just your gut. You whom excuse away your experiences by a “gut feeling” have chosen ignorance. It is because you believe ignorance is bliss, quite the lie actually.